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Darkest Before the Dawn

It is always darkest before the dawn. It’s actually my favorite part of a day. I swear I’m not a morning person but most of the time my body doesn’t agree with the whole not be conscious part of that agreement.

In our lives, we are constantly seeing things in patterns. It’s a part of our human psyche and how humans interact and connect with other people.

We see the worst of things over and over and then things brighten up. That is the magic of a sunrise.

Is this worldwide pandemic any different?

Are we different people two months after the whole mess starts or are we the same people that retreated into our homes to protect ourselves and the people around us? Is any one of us immune from the changes that are have come and that are coming?

We talk about returning to ‘normal’. I’ve never particularly liked that word since it never applied to me. I was annoying, irritating, smart enough to be stupid (you think I joke about the MacGyver prohibition, I’m not), and a variety of things that simply said that I was not ever going to be normal.

But I can be ordinary. It can be an ordinary day.

I’m all for that. We don’t need excitement all the time, and this pandemic has been that.

Here, we’re starting to open up and there are the naysayers that are worried that things are going to get even worse than they are getting better. There are people that say we are overreacting.

Most of us agree that opening the public beaches and limiting crowds would be less dangerous than all those trips to home improvement stores you’ve been making.

Yeah, we’re all guilty of using this time to finish projects or get as far done with them without buying more supplies. I do feel better about being as done with these projects as I can be without more supplies. Especially since one of these projects came from Texas three years ago in the condition it was pre-COVID-19.

I’m also mindful of my own patterns and what spirals I should avoid. I intentionally only look at a chart that indicates facts of how many tested positive, how many recovered (I really focus on that number), and the souls that have passed onto their next adventure whatever they believe. I can’t see all the angry hype about how this situation is destroying the economy and changing the world from what we knew.

After all, there is the quote that always strikes true to me.

but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

Lewis Carroll, “Alice In Wonderland”, Ch. 6

We can wish that we will return to normal all damn day long.

It’s not going to happen. That normal doesn’t exist anymore. And trying to go back to it just going to, pardon the abuse of another cliche, fight the current and make no progress.

Do you really want to spend the time fighting for something that you had that you were never entirely sure that you wanted?

Do you really want to spend the time fighting for something that you’ve learned about yourself when you actually had to spend time with your family. I definitely learned a few things.

That my mother is grateful that we are not students she’s responsible for corralling us during this is something that each of her children is grateful for even if my little brother has not confirmed because he’s not responding to texting*.

This is the point in our lives that they tell us we can change, we can decide that what we have had is not what we want. We don’t have to make the changes now.

The first step is sometimes deciding to make that step.

It’s the decision I made in July of 2016 when I realized that I needed to leave Texas. It’s the decision that I was going to move to Charleston in 2017 that made the process of making the change actually possible.

Sometimes, you’ll make a decision and realize that it really wasn’t where you were trying to go. You knew something was off, and you decided to change everything and got started on the process to realize that it was just change that you need. Or that you really should find some vegetables that you like to consume, so that you take care of yourself.

So what has been sitting uncomfortably for you? What has been the thing that looks out of place in the life that you designed for yourself? Is it something you can easily change, like a couch that isn’t comfortable? Or is it a bigger deal that you’re not the only one affected by a decision?

Start the conversation. Don’t bottle it in, but don’t start out an argument. This time has everyone using more emotions than they have ever been asked to handle and be aware of it.

Design your life to be your dreams, and know that you don’t have to have the biggest dreams in the world. It just needs to be your dreams, not someone else’s white picket fence.

*He’s a twenty something kid that is living on his own in school but living off campus. ‘He’s fine’, I tell myself as I write threatening messages about driving to Idaho to make sure he’s okay.

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