Ships are safe in harbor.
And safety is not one of my primary values.
Four years ago, I cast off that value as a driving factor in my life. It isn’t something that I find value in.
At least not as a top of the list sort of thing.
It was keeping me where I didn’t want to be and by God, the next year was one of those years where everything got bigger. I stopped waiting for permission. Sure, I didn’t do all the right steps to get where I really wanted to go because I did not have a map, but I was taking steps. I felt better than I had in years. The first year I was in Charleston after that, was different. I started to listen to people who did hold safety and security in their primary values. Their life experiences are different than mine and I won’t say one of us is right or wrong. Well, I’ll say that taking on their values to make them feel safer about my decisions was wrong, but that has more to do with falling out of alignment with myself.
That is where I fell short of my ambition. That is where I fell short of my goals because I was pretending goals that weren’t mine, were on there.
It’s not a pretty place to be, two years later when I’m getting ready to make a change and feeling so …behind.
I’ve literally been living in a harbor town and trying to both have roots and not have roots at the same time. You want to talk about being dragged in two different directions.
I was listening to an online class thing that I signed up for that was intended to help me break through my procrastination problems and move past them. There was a comment about how I didn’t want something enough.
I didn’t like it, but I kept going because the rest of the work by this dude is good. So I figured there was a lost in translation moment and I’d go find it later.
And later I did.
We’re going through our values and separating them into activities we need to fill our souls and the purpose behind those needs. I wrote my top three needs.
Mastery, Creativity, and Fidelity. I can’t halfway do anything. It grates on me. I feel best when I make something—my craft tools are across the board—and figure out how to make something. I don’t just need honesty, I need the trust that comes with it and fidelity is the process of both.
You want to know what isn’t on that list?
You want to know the two people that I probably love the most in the world and what they have as their two main values?
Safety and Security,
I love my parents but over my life I have learned that their goals and dreams are not mine. I’ve known I was an odd duck in their house since I was about twelve. At least that’s when my memories of wanting something else start. Granted up to that point they were in complete control of what I was exposed to and I had been very sheltered. I appreciate that because I didn’t grow up with exposure to things I couldn’t really understand until I already learned real problem solving. Good call.
During this class there was a mention made that holding onto to safety and security as values could be what was holding some people back from achieving their goals and dreams because most of the time that safety is preventing them from reaching out of their comfort zone. And it hit me.
I had to pause the video and get this written out. I had to document what was going on in my heart and what I learned because God, it was something.
I didn’t value that. Safety and Security were someone else’s values and I was latching on to them because it made them more comfortable.
Which the whole reason I left Texas was to remove the remaining latches on their dreams so I could make progress on mine. I was holding on too tight to something that wasn’t mine and I knew it but I didn’t have the proper boundaries to chuck off these extra restraints and start sailing.
The dream I had five years ago when this whole thing got started up came back into my mind. I started thinking about how I could do it now, with some alterations because I have decided that putting off again would be a bad idea. I mentioned this to my mother and she immediately came with the same reaction she had three years ago when I was planning to leave Texas and asked for an inflatable bed for my backseat of my car.
“That’s dangerous, you shouldn’t do it.”
I’m in a much healthier place now, so it didn’t catch me like it has in the past. Until this morning when I’m watching a video and understand the weight I’ve been carrying for three years on a project that got put off and put off and put off.
I’m on to something. Now, the real question, will I keep it off?
Will I hold onto this resolve that will take me to the next place that I’m really supposed to be?
The point is that I stop trying to hold onto what other people want for me—be it good, bad, or ugly—and that I get what I need out of the situation.
That’s the point. It’s making sure that what you want is what you’re going for. Everyone else has their goals and dreams and values.
Their dreams and values are anchors for you. When you’re little and the world really doesn’t make sense, use the ways that they teach you things to learn and grow.
But don’t keep holding on forever. You have to let go at some point.
Pull up the anchors and see where you sail.
“90 Days of hardcore focus and alignment can put you 3years ahead in life. Don’t underestimate the power of consistency and desire.” – Joel Brown